Emerging Like a Butterfly

Lately, I’ve been on top of things.

I started at a new university, after transferring from community college. I’m doing well in my classes (after a bit of a hiccup with one class initially) and I’m not just surviving, I’m kind of… thriving.

I’ve joined a few organizations: an anime choir, a psychology coalition, and a pre-OT association. I’m also starting my own, called ALFAE- the Acceptance League For Autistic Empowerment. It is giving me life to be working on it. I feel like I’m doing something important. I have a bajillion big ideas for ALFAE, but I actually feel like I can pull a select few of them off. I’ve been a powerhouse, sending multiple emails a day to people asking for help creating this organization and posting all over facebook looking for members. People are supporting me. A member of the queer pride group actually sent me some documents about organizing a group. It is seriously great.

Earlier today, I was at a meeting for the pre-OT association. They mentioned that they were going to do an Autism Awareness fundraiser… and I got the courage to speak up and say no, that is a super bad idea. And they listened. Later I posted a longer explanation of the problems with awareness to their facebook group. I really, truly felt like I was doing something good, like I was helping out the cause of autistics. And it felt really, truly awesome.

Overall, it feels like for the past 20 years I’ve been in a shell of being too afraid to do activism, too intimidated to start things, not brave enough to speak up against injustice. And now I’m doing those things, and I’m just, happy. I was worried for a while that I was manic because I had my medications changed up, but now I’m thinking that maybe, that medication change has just been to something that finally actually works. That finally gives me motivation and confidence and happiness. Things that depression hindered. Maybe I’m not manic; maybe I’m just finally not depressed. Maybe, finally, I’m emerging like a butterfly, like a me that can thrive and succeed.

So to combat my last post, here’s this positive one. I’m about to go work on a sewing project, a project of creating autistic-friendly clothes for autistic people. And I’m gonna do so happily.

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